


the most dangerous // beautiful thing is to love

by MoonlightBreeze



Series: Whumptober 2020 [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Has Feelings, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Jace Wayland Deserves Nice Things, Jace Wayland Needs A Hug, M/M, Secret Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, The Clave (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Their nice things are each other so in a way they get them, Whumptober 2020, brief mention - Freeform, he also gets that hug, he does get that hug, no beta we die like men, well a hopeful ending anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26984767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze
Summary: Jace and Alec are parabatai - forbidden to be together, forced to hide who they are, not allowed to love each other the way they know they were meant to. After Alec is injured by some Clave officials who think there's more to Jace and Alec's relationship than meets the eye, he and Jace have a heart-to-heart on the roof, and Alec resolves to change the world someday so he and Jace can finally love each other outside of secrecy.Whumptober 2020 prompt fic - alt. prompt, stitchesHopeful/happy ending!Warning for very brief mentions of suicidal thoughts. Please keep yourselves safe, lovelies! <3
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Series: Whumptober 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950094
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020





	the most dangerous // beautiful thing is to love

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I know it's been a while since I posted a Whumptober fic. I apologise for that. I have a few fics done right now, and I'll be posting them all soon in order to get caught up. This fic was written for the Whumptober prompt: (alternate prompt) stitches. This is only my second time writing Jalec, so I hope I did it well!! Warning for brief mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts within. Please keep yourselves safe! <3
> 
> The title of this fic is taken from the song Achilles, Come Down which is an absolutely amazing song, if you haven't listened to it. I highly recommend it!
> 
> I really hope you like this!! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

“How is it?” 

Alec turned to face Jace, who stood in the doorway to the roof, his gaze downcast and his voice soft & guilty. His arms were folded over his chest in a defensive posture, and his cheeks were bright pink. Anyone else would assume it was from the cold, biting winds on the rooftop, but Alec knew it was from something else entirely. 

“It’s fine, Jace,” Alec said reassuringly. He held up his arm, where seven perfect stitches bound the sliced skin together. “See? The infirmary patched me up.” Jace sighed and stepped onto the roof, closing and locking the door behind himself. He strode forward until he reached Alec, taking his parabatai’s arm to examine for himself.

“Fuckin’ Christ,” he muttered. “They really did a number on you.”

“I’m fine,” Alec replied, pulling his arm free from Jace’s grasp. “At least they were just suspicious. If they’d actually known, it would have been a lot worse.” He sighed, walking to the edge of the roof and peering down at the bustling street below. It was so busy, so full of life, and Alec couldn’t help but feel like he and Jace were all alone against a world that didn’t care enough to try and understand them. “I just…” he trailed off, shaking his head. 

“You just what?”

“You know what,” Alec mumbled. “You were there.”

Jace shrugged. “Yeah, but I want to hear you say it.”

“I just wish people weren’t so closed-minded,” Alec said. “I wish the Clave wasn’t so traditional and backwards. I wish we, as a society, were more progressive and I wish we could live the way we were meant to be!” He rounded on Jace, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “Is that too much to ask?!”

“No, it’s not,” Jace replied, joining Alec at the edge of the roof. He sighed, focusing his gaze on the flickering street lamp below. “I don’t know why they can’t see what’s right in front of them, see that the rules don’t matter when it comes to something like love or destiny.” He shook his head, his grip on the ledge tightening. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

Alec didn’t know what to say to that, so he huddled closer to his parabatai, seeking shelter from the gale-force winds that buffeted the plastic deck chairs on the roof to the other side of it and back again. He wasn’t sure when the cold, wintry night had turned into a storm, but his parabatai’s warm presence beside him made him feel calm, almost peaceful. Jace wrapped an arm around him, and the position was so easy, so familiar, that it almost made Alec want to cry. This was meant to be, this was _love_ , this was, this was - not allowed. Alec sighed and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. 

It didn’t matter that he loved Jace. It didn’t matter that Jace loved him. In the eyes of the Clave, they were breaking every sacred law put in place for their own protection and they were threats. They had to stay quiet, keep their relationship a secret, or risk execution. 

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it,” Alec said, his voice just barely audible over the roaring of the wind. 

Jace stiffened, the hand that was rubbing circles into Alec’s back pausing in its ministrations. “What do you mean?”

“We’re already traitors in the eyes of the Clave,” Alec said bitterly. “Why not add the sin of suicide to the sin of being in love with my parabatai?”

“Alec, you can’t mean that,” Jace said, and Alec could hear the undercurrent of alarm in his voice. 

“Oh, but I do,” Alec said, his voice thick with unshed tears. He waved a hand to indicate the Institute, the city, the entire Shadow World. “What do I mean to them? What, Jace? I’m broken, I’m, I’m wrong, I’m _defective_. I’m not a good soldier and they say I can’t be a good brother, either, that I’ll infect Izzy with my _disease_ and I - what if she really believes that? What if everyone we’ve ever loved turns on us, Jace? What then?”

“I-I don’t know, Alec,” Jace said. He was thunderstruck. He knew his parabatai had damn near gone through an identity crisis over their relationship, but he had never known that being with him made Alec feel this way. 

“I’m sorry,” Alec said, after a minute of deafening silence. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put that on you.” He moved to leave, but Jace caught his uninjured wrist and refused to let him go. 

“Don’t be sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you’re talking to me.” He stepped closer and pulled Alec into a tight embrace, ruffling his hair in a way that made Alec scowl and swat at his hands. “At least you’re talking to somebody.”

“Yeah, but I don’t deserve to,” Alec muttered, his voice muffled by the fabric of Jace’s t-shirt. “Y-You’re going through the same thing I am.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel anything,” Jace retorted. “Besides, you’re the one who got hurt.”

Alec sighed, brushing two fingers over the stitches in his arm. “This is nothing compared to what they’ll do if they have proof. You know that.”

Jace chewed his lip and peered out at the abandoned building across the street morosely. It looked empty and dark, exactly that way that he was beginning to feel. “Yeah, I do.”

“Do you think things will ever change?”

“I don’t know, Alec,” Jace replied. “I honestly don’t.”

Silence fell over them for a few long moments before Alec stiffened, and Jace pulled away just enough to take in the expression on his parabatai’s face. He wasn’t quite sure he had a word for it, but it was a mixture of determination and self-righteous indignation, and Jace loved to see it. 

“I’m going to change things,” Alec said, and Jace felt his throat close up with emotion.“I’m going to change the world before it changes me.” There was hope in his tone, Jace thought to himself. That was a nice change. It was so unlike Alec that, for a minute, Jace was worried. Then Alec caught his hand and interlocked their fingers, placing a gentle kiss to his knuckles. Jace smiled and chuckled to himself. This was Alec; the fierce, brazen Alec that few others would ever get to see, but Alec nonetheless. 

“That’s a great plan,” Jace said softly. “I love it.”

Alec rushed forward and met his lips in a bruising kiss. It spoke of desperation, truth, freedom. It was a kiss unlike any Jace had ever had before, and he kissed back just as fervently, trying to absorb some of his parabatai’s hope into their connected souls. They would need it if they were ever going to survive the remainder of their lives together.

“One day,” Alec breathed against Jace’s lips, “We’ll be able to be together, just like Mom and Dad. We’ll be able to live freely and authentically and no one will stand in our way. No one will get to tell us what to do or who to be. We’ll be _free_.” 

Jace’s lips met Alec’s again and he sighed into the kiss, ignoring the salty taste of tears. He wasn’t sure if it was him or Alec who was crying, but he found he didn’t care. Together, their lips formed something more beautiful than anything Jace could have dreamed of before - _love_. And love tasted like hope. It tasted like a promise. 

And somewhere, buried deep inside Jace’s melancholic heart, he knew that it was true. They _would_ be free. Somehow, someday, they would. If he had learned one thing from being parabatai with Alec Lightwood, it was that he always kept his promises. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Stalk me on Tumblr](http://moonlight-breeze-44.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Prompts are open, but very slow! Thank you for your patience! <3
> 
> If you love Shadowhunters, chaos, and gaining new friends (or any combination of the three), I invite you to [join the Discord server](https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD) I run with my friends! We're a multifandom server that caters to Shadowhunters, Supernatural, Marvel, and more. We welcome everyone, and we'd love to have you! <3


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